TODAY'S JOKE READ AS MANY JOKES AS YOU WANT

TODAY’S JOKE

AKPOS GOES TOMARKET

Akpos was asked to go and buy things in the market. Due to akpos illiteracy, his madam gave him a list to help him buy accurately.

LIST

Maggi             10 naira

Salt        50 naira

Oil         200 naira

Fish        400 naira

Total       660 naira

      So Akpos left the house around 11 am and at 3 pm he is not yet back from the market. The madam was so worried and decided to call Akpos on phone.

Madam: hello Akpos what is holding you? You have stayed too long; what happened:

AKPOS: replied: I have bought the magi, salt, oil, and fish but am looking for total you include to in the list you gave me. I have gone round the market but nobody has total but am lucky because, I met a man here who directed me to total petrol station. So am on my way to the petrol station to check whether I will see total and buy.

JUST ONLY ONE WORD FOR AKPOS

A naked lady ran into Akpos’ Taxi. She told the driver where she was going.

Akpos didn’t start the car was just staring at the woman over and over again.

The lady looked at him and said, “What’s your problem, man? Haven’t you see a naked lady before? Akpos replied, “I am not looking at your nakedness. I was just wondering where you kept the money you are going to pay me.

JOHN VISITED HIS FRIEND EAZY

EAZY called his wife and asked here to serve them drinks. When the wife was done within the serving, she sat down right opposite JOHN with her leg opens, john could not control himself so he enjoyed the view.

When EAZY went inside the house, EAZYS’ wife said to John, do you like what you see? John said YES EAZYS wife said to john that you can have it, but it will only cost you 10,000 naira. John agreed so they fixed a time 12pm the next day when the husband EAZY would be at work.

The next day, JOHN came over at the exact time and they enjoyed themselves then he paid her, when EAZY came back, this was transpired between them.

EAZY! Honey has john here today? Wife! (Afraid) yes Easy! At 12pm right? Wife! (Almost Fainting) yes, EAZY! At good friend, always keeping time… wife: honey why do you ask? EAZY! He came over to my office this morning and borrow 10,000 naira from me promising to bring it back to you at the house by 12pm so did he bring it? The wife fainted. One word for john?

IBU THE SCHOOL BOY

IBU was coming back from school singing out loud and dancing like nobody’s tuck shop … his parent wondering why Ibu was so happy and decided to ask him.

IBU: mom and dad next year you won’t be buying any textbook, note book or any study materials,

PARENT: that’s my boy...... who gave you scholarship?

IBU: no one … I’m repeating the same class again.

One word for IBU………………

AT THE BEACH

AKPOS was enjoying the sun at the beach in Lekki when lady came and ask him, are you relaxing?

AKPOS replied: No, I am AKPOS!....

A man came and asked him the same question.

Akpos replied, “No!  No! I am Akpos!....

Later on a little girl came and asked him same question again, Akpos became angry and decided to move way. While walking, he saw a guy sunbathing. He went up to him and asked” are you relaxing?

He replied, “yes, I am relaxing” Akpos give him a hot slap on his face He screamed, “foolish man, is it not you everybody is looking for?

A GIRL AND THE PSYCHIATRIST

GIRL: I have sinned, I called my boyfriend a BASTARD

PSYCHIATRIST: well, now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD

GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl’ top

GIRL: Yes

PSYCHIATRIST: Well tha’s no reason to call him a BASTARD

GIRL: But he took my clothes off

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this The psychiatrist took off the girl’s clothe

GIRL: Yes

PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD

GIRL: He had sex with me!

PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this the psychiatrist had sex with the girl Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD

GIRL: But, he told me he had AIDS

PSYCHIATRIST:   BASTARDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!

FATHER IN-LAW

FATHER-IN-LAW: young man, u’re coming to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage and u’re chewing gum, that’s a sign of disrespect!

MAN: sir, I only chew gum when I drink or smoke.

FATHER-IN-LAW: You mean you drink & smoke and u’re here to seek my daughter’ hand in marriage?

MAN: Sir I only drink & smoke when I go to club

FATHER-IN-LAW: You club too?

MAN: I’m sorry sir, I started clubbing when I came out of the prison

FATHER-IN-LAW: U’ve also been in prison before? Oh my god!

MAN: Sorry sir, I went to jail when I killed somebody

FATHER-IN-LAW: What!!!! U’re a killer???

MAN: It happened out of anger, it was certain man that didn’t allow me to marry his daughter so I killed him

FATHER-IN-LAW: U are highly welcome my son u are on the right track, u’re absolutely the right man for    my daughter. Do you need money to do the engagement ring and the other thing?

One word for both of them

I’M IN LOVE

GIRL: I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Ghana and he lives in UK. We met on a dating website, became friends on face book, had long chats on whatSapp, proposed to each other on Skype, and now we’ve had two months of relationship through Viber.

I need your blessing and good wishes daddy.

DADDY SAID: Wow! Really!! Then get married on twitter, have fun on 2go, buy kids on e-bay, send them through VS via g-mail and if you are fed up with your husband sell him on Amazon

Nonsense generation!!!

WEDDING TEXT

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little things bothering me .. it was her beautiful younger sister, my prospective 21 year old sister-in-law, always wore very tight miniskirts.

And often times was bra-less she would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than nice view.

      One day her little sister called and asked me to come ober to check the wedding invitations she was alone when I arrieved and she whispered to me that she had feellings and desires for me that she couldn’t obercome she told me that she wanted me just once before I get married and commit my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn’t say a word, she said, I’m going upstairs to my room, and if u want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs, I stood there for a moment, then turned and headed straight to my front door, I opened the dor, and headed straight towards my car, behold my future family were standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-lawhugged me and said “we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter welcome to the family.

I smile and heaved a sigh of relief because I was actually heading to my car to get condoms…..

NA GOD SAVE ME O!!!!

GULTY OR NOT

Akpos was arrested by the police and taken to court.

MAGISTATE: Akpos, you were arrested on the expressway for abruptly stopping your car in the middle of the road and causing 10 other vehicles behind you to run into once another hereby causing damages and injuries. Are you guilty or not?

AKPOS: I’m not guilty sir

What is your defense?

I heard the national anthem on the car radio and as a good citizen, I stopped immediately and stood at attention.

PLS AM I GUILTY

JOBA AND AKPOS

JOBA: Akpos, why are you always on Facebook?

AKPOS: I like Facebook & I’m always there for one thing. It’s the only place where you can like another man’s wife without getting slapped.

To be continue